Shout out to Antoine Peterson and Danny Cochran for contributing to this blog. Thanks!
The summer movie season is in full throttle. I love a great movie experience. Even though the cost of going to a movie these days is extremely expensive, I still enjoy it. Typically a movie night for two will cost thirty to forty dollars. After dishing out all of that cash I expect to have a wonderful experience. Despite all of the efforts of the theater employees, they cannot control the customers. I have been to urban, suburban, and rural movie theaters and they all have issues. Below are the types of movie customers that “irk” me the most. I have some choice words for many of these people but I like to keep the blogs rated G.
The Cell Phone User
Definition: An individual that thinks it is ok to talk on their cell phone throughout the movie. What makes it even worse is that the individual makes no attempt to whisper or excuse themselves from the theater.
Recommendation: Text the person (also iffy) or better yet, excuse yourself from the theater and take the call.
The Talker (especially loud whisperers)
Definition: An individual that believes it is ok to have conversation, ask questions, or add additional commentary to the movie. This is only acceptable if you are watching a bad movie on the level of “Jeepers Creepers”. Some movies are so bad that you have to add commentary to make it through.
Recommendation: Zip it!
The Inconsiderate Parent
Definition: A parent that decides to bring a kid or two to the theater, especially infants and rowdy toddlers. This rude customer will have a separate blog in the future.
Recommendation: Find a baby-sitter or connect with “Hustle Man” on the train station.
The Seat Saver
Definition: An individual that decides to save seats for a group of people. Saving one or two seats is already iffy, save more than that and you are going to get more than dirty looks.
Recommendation: Tell your friends to arrive on time. Make it clear you don’t save seats.
The Constant Reliever
Definition: An individual that takes a seat in the middle of the theater and decides to go to the bathroom every two minutes.
Recommendation: Sit at the end of the aisle. Know your limitations and drink fewer fluids.
Definition: An individual that places their feet up on the seat in front of them. What makes it even worse is if they decide to take their shoes off. GROSS!!!
Recommendation: Move your feet otherwise you may experience a WWE takedown.
The Late Arrival
Definition: An individual that arrives late and decides to sit in the middle of the theater. What makes it even worse is if the person starts waving their cell phone or starts yelling a person’s name, “June Bug, hey June bug, you in here!”
Recommendation: Sit at the end of the aisle or wait for the next show.
Definition: An individual that could not make it through the movie and decides to catch up on sleep and in the process starts snoring.
Recommendation: Save your money and wait for the DVD.
Definition: An individual that constantly kicks the back of your seat. What makes it even worse is if the person looks like the suspect you saw on the 10 o’clock news last night.
Recommendation: Find an empty seat to kick or sit in the front row
The Breakfast Club
Definition: A group of rowdy teenagers that use the theater as their personal playground.
Recommendation: Go to the mall, go to Wal-mart, or go home. Learn some manners then come back once you have learned proper movie theater etiquette.
Did I miss anyone?